As I will be turning 40 on Saturday, I’ve found myself reflecting on the decades, now I’ve collected more of them behind me.
With their testicles cut in half and their beards and moustaches, men really are scary human beings.
Why do men urinate wherever they want, go shirtless wherever they want, but women can’t?
I wish there was some way to stop us from sliding across the car seat when we go around corners.
I wish my hair was flat like all the beautiful women on telly.
I wonder why women have bumps on their chests.
I will always love The Brady Bunch for as long as I live.
When I grow up, I’m going to be a ballerina. Or the Bionic Woman. Why is my Bionic Woman doll so much bigger and more manly looking than my Sindy doll?
I don’t care if I’m the smallest in this family, I can read and write, and I’m going to show everyone what I can do and that I’m bigger than I look.
I tried to show everyone I’m bigger than I look, and got myself a fat lip from trying to jump from too high of a wall.
I am Goldilocks. I know it, and those who call me that obviously know it, too.
My Dad is the funniest man in the world. He prances around the house, singing, ‘it’s me, I’m Kathleen, I’ve come home, I’m.. so co-o-o-old’ in the shrillest voice, just like the lady in the red dress on tv. I laugh so hard, I cry and scream.
We have the most rockin’ night and day setting, and our bean bags are tops, too. You can’t go wrong with big, splashy brown florals.
I like going to parties, but I get frustrated because there’s never a lot to eat that I like. It’s all pickled onions, pickles, devilled eggs and yucky food like that. Who eats this shit? Seventies people, that’s who.
I don’t understand why the bottoms of my long pants flap around so much. I wish clothes were better. Everyone looks weird.
They’ve invented seatbelts! I am loving it.
My Dad grows vegetables. I love pulling the carrots out, washing them under the hose, and eating them as I hold the top, pretending I’m Bugs Bunny.
Skinny jeans! Skinny jeans! I would die for one pair of skinny jeans.
Everyone seems to be getting their hair cut short around the front, and left long at the back. Oh, my Mum just got my hair cut like that. Shit. Why can’t I have flat hair?
Crimped hair is cool. Kiss is cool. Village People are so cool.
We tried to be Kiss and got in trouble.
Chipmunk Punk is the best cassette ever! I know all the words. My favourite is My Sharona, because it sounds a bit like my name.
I rock my terry towelling playsuit with my knee high socks. I wear it everywhere.
I live in Fairfield Heights for almost a year with my grandparents and my family. I wonder why so many people there speak so many different languages? I wonder why it’s such a dirty, hot place? Why do so many of the people living in units hang all their dirty laundry out of their windows?
I like going to the pool for a swim, but it’s not as good as the beaches where I came from. You can’t move in the pool, because every square inch is people, people, people. There’s a lot of rubbish been thrown in there, too. I like listening to the other sunbaker’s radios, though. The best songs to hear at the pool are Crystal Gale’s ‘don’t it make my brown eyes blue’ and Juice Newton’s ‘playing with the queen of hearts’.
Soon, we move back to Kiama. Clean, slow, Kiama. Fresh air, at last!
Every Friday night we go to watch my parents play squash with their friends. I play with my Rubik’s cube or my Rubik’s snake. I like walking slowly past the pool players downstairs first, so I can hear what’s on the jukebox. Anytime Cliff Richard’s ‘wired for sound’ comes on, I high-five myself. Anything by the Divinyls is even better.
Sometimes in the street where I live, the younger girls ride their bikes around with no shirt on. I alternate between feeling jealous I can’t go shirtless anymore, and wondering if they’re nuts?
I love INXS, the Thomspon Twins and oh my god, Madonna!
Shoulder pads are the shit. Everyone looks hot in shoulder pads.
There is no hair product to make my fuzzy, curly hair look good. I give up. There is no deodorant strong enough for me.
Braces. Oh, goodie.
Midriff tops are the best invention ever. So are denim mini skirts.
I have to brag; I got to see ET at the movies, and it rocked, man. My Mum got an ET pot plant decoration, and my Gram calls it, ‘ett’. She’s a crack up.
Also, don’t tell anyone, but we have a video player. If anyone finds out, it might get stolen, so shh!
I’m so lucky, I’ve even got my own tape recorder. Olivia Newtown-John never sounded so good.
Eighties clothing is so normal. I’ll never look back on what I wore in the 80′s and ever cringe at anything I wore. In fact, I’m sure 80′s clothes will always be the fashion. Likewise, I’m sure I’ll be reading my favourite magazine, Dolly, forever.
Bon Jovi is like, the awesomest band, ever, and I reckon I’m going to meet Jon Bon Jovi one day.
I know I don’t tan well, but maybe if I just keep trying sunbaking, I’ll get really good at it. I live in a beach town, for chrissakes and this is damaging my credibility.
Starting puberty early sucks.
I don’t bother trying too hard with guys, because I think I’m too ugly, anyway.
My parents still grow veges. It’s so lame.
I’m 16. All four of my grandparents are dead. Last to die was my favourite, my Gram. I don’t know how I’ll ever manage to go on without her. We were so close. She taught me to knit, sew and crochet. She was incredibly intelligent and a my biggest inspiration in life. Just like that, she’s gone. My only comfort is knowing I made the absolute most of my time with her, any chance I got, my entire life. No regrets there.
I get my first boyfriend. He’s 21. It lasts two weeks before I feel completely smothered and end it.
I find out this guy from our year who has already left school used to have a crush on me and thinks I’m ‘really attractive’. Hmm.
I found out this guy gets punched by my ex boyfriend. Hmm.
I find out our earth is in danger. We have to make all these changes to how we live, or we won’t live past 2012, apparently. It’s pretty scary shit. I do what I can.
Catsuits were made for me. What did I ever do before the invention of the catsuit? Doc Marten boots are the only shoes one should wear with jeans. I got Roc boots, and they will suffice. Levi 501′s are my dream jeans. I have some acid wash jeans, and they’re pretty cool, but I can’t wait ’til I get my 501′s. One day.
Brian Rochford is my designer of choice. I try to make as much of my wardrobe lycra as is humanly possible. I’ve got his bodysuits, leggings, stirrup pants, catsuit, bikinis, whatever I can get my hands on. I also have a nice little black crushed velvet mini dress.
I can wear all this lycra, because my friend and I workout everyday at the gym. We love weights!
I love my little tight white shirts, worn under shoestring strap dresses. I love my hotpants, and finally! I got myself some 501′s!
I cringe that I ever remotely liked Bon Jovi.
Nightclubs rock! My life rocks! I love my studies, (mostly) my work and I have so much fun.
I leave school and realise I may not be ugly after all. That’s not too bad…
Braces for a second time. For fuck’s sakes!
Things that are shit: blow-up backpacks, teddy bear backpacks, platform sneakers and fat chicks in bike pants. The fact that it can be very difficult to buy a hand bag that isn’t a bloody backpack.
I live in my Billabong cap, bike pants and Nike shirt. When I’m at the gym, I throw a g-string leotard over the top of the bike pants. It’s so flattering…
I love that platform sandals have taken off so much. That, and drag queens.
That guy who had a crush on me? Married with kids, now. I doubt any of us will ever see him again.
I have some relationships with guys that fizzle out eventually. I remain friends with one of them.
Well, there’s no full-time, permanent jobs in Kiama. I think it’s time to bite the bullet and move to Sydney. I get the first job I apply for.
I keep studying, working, partying. Studying, working, partying. I never stop.
I love my Alanis Morissette, Live, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Garbage, Green Day, all of it. My favourite radio station is Triple J.
I find out that the guy who used to have a crush on me in school, the one who got married, is now separated and back in Kiama. Eventually, I see him again. We fall in love. We move in together. I become pregnant to him, and he asks me to marry him.
Cargo pants are forever!
My man I get new mobile phones, and you should see what they can do. You can actually type out a message instead of talking! People don’t get what we’re talking about, and when we show them, they think it’s really cool and amazing.
My man and I can’t get enough of teen movies, Big Brother, the Living End and we love our new DVD player! It cost us an arm and a leg, and no one we know can understand the point of it. We think they should at least give it a try, we know they’ll be hooked.
I love being a mum. It makes me so happy, and I love my kids so much.
I’m so sick of hearing about Emos. It’s so pathetic.
We’re both huge Heath Ledger fans. He’s going to do really well in his career.
I adore bootcut jeans! They are so forgiving to my post-baby bod.
We’ve come full circle: it’s now acceptable to wear skinny jeans, bootcut jeans, slim jeans, take your pick. I do, and wear whichever type takes my fancy. Why didn’t life just start out this way?
I’m trying to grow veges. I think it’s the coolest thing ever.
I love my Lorde, Awolnation, My Chemical Romance (why did they have to break up?) and Lady Gaga. Among others, of course.
I love that we have found our home in the mountains.
Nowadays, I’m a mum and a carer. I love it, but sometimes being a carer is a challenge. It’s a great feeling when we have some wins, though.
I’m worried about this planet. I’m worried about what will be left of it for future generations.
I miss my healthy, fit, gym bod. I’m slowly getting back in shape and am almost at my goal weight. It’s not a gym bod, but then I’m not 19 anymore, either.
I’m still not sure what I’ll be when I grow up, but working outside the home is off the table for a while, for now, anyway.
My children amaze me everyday and fill me with so much optimism for their future. I hope I can make sure they make the most of themselves, to get the best out of their lives.
We’ve never been what you’d call a high-income family, but I think our kids have learned a lot from being in a lower income family. They are tough little cookies, and appreciate so much more than I did when I was their ages.
These days, there’s something new going viral everyday. There’s internet sensation after internet sensation. It’s such a lot to take in, it can get overwhelming. I struggle with information overload, and realise so often how important it is to switch off, and get out there and live life.
What would I like to happen in the future? People getting off their arses and making more of an effort to look after this planet we live on (myself included). I’d like to see people switch off their phones when they’re supposed to be attending to something else, be it responsibilities, or just when someone in front of their face is trying to communicate with them.
I’d like to see sexism end once and for all and for people to have more compassion.
I think more people are becoming more caring, but watching social media can be disheartening. There’s still a lot of callousness out there, when people don’t try to understand those who are different to them.
I’d like to see classism wiped out.
Most of all, I long to live into old age. I want to see the amazing adults my beautiful children will grow up to be. I want to be there for any grandchildren they may bring into this world.
As I near 40, I have a much greater appreciation for my life than I did in my 30′s and most definitely in my 20′s.
I know now that life is about enjoying what you have. Ambition is great, but everyday, we need to take time to bask in our blessings, and when people talk to us, we should look straight at them, not let ourselves be distracted, and listen to them.
I can’t wait to see what the next four decades will bring.